I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
