i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
