Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize