you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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