Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
