it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
