yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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