kristin has been a bad kristin
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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