I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
