for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
