I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you made out with another girl for some wings
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
