i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
