Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
