Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
