youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
worst night to have a conscience
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
