Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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