I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
