I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
