And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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