Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
