fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
