Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
