I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
