Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
