If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
