Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
