He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sext me about skeletons
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
