Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Terrible idea I love it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
