So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
