Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
