Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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