One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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