i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
