just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
