its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
