At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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