i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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