ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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