I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
