I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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