its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
