oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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