Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Small penises have feelings too.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
