Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
