I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
