His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So squirting runs in the family.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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