just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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