I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
