I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
