When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
