hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
