Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize