i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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