drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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