i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
