I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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