The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
