I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
