How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
