Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
