I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize