OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
