I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
