I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
