addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
