Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
