i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
