For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
