there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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