Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
