im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
my liver is dry heaving
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
