I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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