She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
