Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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