I wanna bring you to show and tell
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this boner is exhausting
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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