and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
