My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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