I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
