You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
