My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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