He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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