My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
