That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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