ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
