bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
