This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
