what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
