Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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