Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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