This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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