omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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